After Hardship Comes Ease . . . by Aisha

I was ecstatic. My hubs was pretty surprised, but he was pleased as well. I thought everything was going well, usually my pregnancies are pretty uneventful, but in hindsight I do recall that I never really felt pregnant. I don’t often have morning sickness, but I do get extreme fatigue in the first trimester. I really didn’t notice it this time around. Also, I usually hold off going to the doctor until I’m about 16 weeks, so without a heartbeat ever being detected the doctor explained to me that it’s probable I lost the fetus several weeks earlier, but my body was just expelling it now. Knowing that made me feel a bit better and also that it was before the angel breathed life in the fetus. But nonetheless, the sadness and disappointment was still there.

I used my sick time to take a few days off from work.  Alhamdulilah, my recovery was pretty quick. I probably should have rested but honestly, I just felt the need to keep busy. I cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned. My mom, who lives in the same apartment complex as me spent several days with me and gave me all the support I needed and helped with my cleaning spree as well. My hustband was also very supportive and we agreed that as soon as it was safe, we would try to get pregnant again. I went back to work after about 5 days and I was feeling pretty good.  At that time I worked from home which was a huge blessing and I really enjoyed my job as well as a DNA specialist with Ancestry.  When I checked my work email I saw a notice that because of the time I took off, I was getting a warning letter that any further time off could result in disciplinary action. What!!??  I was furious. Not only had I written my supervisor what had happened, I also scanned the official diagnosis of miscarriage to them as well. No sorry for your loss, no I hope you recover quickly, nothing. Just the threat of disciplinary action should I have the nerve to have a miscarriage again.  I will do a blog post about the horrendous way women are treated in the workplace and how a miscarriage is treated by the workplace and often medical establishments as a trivial matter.

Well, Allah is the best of planners. I decided I was not going to accept that. I gave my workplace my two weeks notice and started really thinking about things. Were things going as I wanted and hoped for in my life? Was I living up to my full potential? Was I spending enough time with my children? How come I’m not at the weight I want to be?  How was my marriage? How was my relationship with Allah? All these things, plus more were going through my head.  Was this miscarriage actually a blessing in disguise? A wake up call for me to get busy and make real progress in my life, instead of just going through the daily motions and barely keeping my head above water. I decided it was and I was going to start making changes. First, I enrolled in a wonderful course with sister Hind Abdeago, 100 Days of Healing,to get my health back on track. I found out the Doula training I had always wanted to attend had a partial scholarship available for women of color. I jumped at the opportunity, applied and was accepted!  Next on the list was business. My mom and I had always had an entrepreneurial spirit. We ran a childcare together, sold Islamic attire and baked goods at our local Masjid, had an Ebay and Etsy store. Those were all amazing experiences, but it was not where our hearts were. We wanted to take what we were passionate about and bring it to the Muslim Ummah. Hence Everyday Naseeha was born, an idea we had been ruminating on for over 10 years.

And here we are now. As I write my first blog post ever I’m extrememly grateful for Allah for giving me this opportunity. I’m reminded of one of my favorite hadiths. “Amazing is the affair of the believer, verily all of his affairs are good and this is not for no one except the believer. If something of good/happiness befalls him he is grateful and that is good for him. If something of harm befalls him he is patient and that is good for him” (Saheeh Muslim #2999)

Alhamdullilah, after waiting two cycles I found out I was expecting again. I feel in a much better place now, physically, spiritually, emotionally. Oh I’m not done though, this is only the beginning, insha’Allah. I want to keep up this momentum to live the life I know I’m capable of and one which is most pleasing to Allah. May Allah also bless you on your journey as well. And remember Allah is the best of planners. We may not understand the wisdom of why some things happen, but that’s not important for us to understand it. We may one day look and back and see it, or we may not. Allah knows best. But knowing that nothing happens without it being part of Allah’s plan and in that we can find comfort. Remember Sisters…make every day, your best day!